I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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