Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize