Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize