i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
