Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We left an ass print on the piano.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
