We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
