i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Mom said you looked used
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
