If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
