Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
