Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
