hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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