I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
