i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize