you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
