I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
