After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
