just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
