OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
