Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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