i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
