I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
