Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
