heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
