Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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