I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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