We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
