idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
