and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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