This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
