my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
