Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Randomize
