So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
