No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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