If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
