Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
