do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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