so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish you could order shots online.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
