Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize