I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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