I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
