Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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