yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I cut my penus on the lid.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my being single is dangerous.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Drunk is not a location!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
