Screwed.edu
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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