Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
