I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
