Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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