So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
