Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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