i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
