He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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