i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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