Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Mom said you looked used
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
