My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
