I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
