Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
