i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
