My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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