just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
