Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
