Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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