im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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