I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
