i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
