Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
