I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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