I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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