So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
