did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
