There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
