The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
