i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They have beer where we have blood.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Text me some of your sweat
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
