Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
