i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
