can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
