The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
