did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
