We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
