Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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