That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
