my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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