you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
