You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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